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Savage Jokes: Driver Please Stop!

It is important to take the problems of others as own. At least show a little consideration because issues can be contagious if not cured. Let me tell you a funny story.

One day I was to travel to the East. The night before the journey from Lagos, I ate a ridiculous amount of beans. I boarded a bus very early in the morning from Cele bus stop. The bus was made cold by the air conditioner and the driver could have been a DJ because of his expertise in music selection. The journey promised to be an interesting one, I was excited.

We stopped at Ore to eat at a posh fast food where the price of a bottle of coke can compete with a bottle of wine sold in the market. Now this eatery attracts travelling customers because they are willing to give the drivers a free lunch. I guess some might say we were the guinea pigs that laid the drivers proverbial egg.

I had to buy food outside the eatery's premises. I bought egg roll, suya and groundnut and a glass of palm wine, a worst combination does not exist, Yes! I agree, but hunger does funny things to the mind.

 

The journey continued. 15 minutes later, my stomach began reading the riot act, and my sins caught up with me shortly after when I felt the dire need for a toilet.

I was afraid to notify the driver to stop the vehicle to enable me take care of my needs because of the other passengers. I am not vain but a lady in a car full of handsome gentlemen has to keep some private things private.

At that time a man was preaching in the bus with zeal as if he was a thirsty man stranded in a desert. *na by force to preach*. Sincerely! His words were just grating in my ears because of the hell taking place in my stomach.

Now there comes a point, where a man is stripped to his basic need and in that vacuum, shame has no place. So I threw caution to air and shouted to the driver: "Oga driver, look for somewhere and park, I want to use the restroom". The Edo driver shouted at me: "your father...come force me to stop na, you no see toilet for Ore? " so I told the driver, "Oga driver, look for somewhere and park, I want to shit  ohh".
Every passenger in the bus was on me. Some abused my ancestors, my father and even my village people.

Even the preacher was angry with me.
They all asked why I didn't do it when we stopped to eat at Ore. Like the *shit* took permission from me before coming, Ridiculous!

But I was not discouraged, I shouted at the driver to stop. The driver said:" my friend shit am there." So I decided to help myself and follow the advice my brother once gave me.

When the tension was unbearable I stylishly crossed my legs as if i was adjusting myself, raised my left bombom and release the first silent but deadly mess. Phew shhhhhhhhh.

Jesus Christ! it was the worst thing I ever perceived in the past twenty two years.The stench was like a gas bomb, highly choking and dark in colour. The air conditioner was a silent friend in this instance, helping to disguise the scene of the crime by quickly distributing the bad odour to every part of the vehicle..

The man sitting next to me by the right who was eating chicken looked at me and our mutual neighbour, and covered his nose. Okey! I accept that I am not proud of this part but the truth must be told, our neighbour was a young boy of ten whose mother was sitting at the back sit. I guess he assumed the culprit might be the boy so he whispered to me, "wetin this boy chop wey he dey mess everywhere", and I replied "I no know oh, some people eh".

However my discomfort continued and so I continued sharing my pain with the world. I released the second mess concurrently in a double progression, it was like a biological weapon.

Two passengers behind me started accusing each other of being responsible...none of them remembered me. Mayhem reigned and I sat back to enjoy my moments of relief while trying to look innocent.

Few seconds later the bus was like a mad house with quarrels amongst passengers. They abused themselves in their different languages.

It was as if the more I release the mess, the more it formed again, so I released another deadly mess. Suddenly, the driver  held a sharp break and said: "where is that woman that wants to shit, I beg come go shit before you kill all my passengers. You no get conscience? abi you no dey go church? This na new motor wey company give me, see how you don change the scent".

I didn't answer him, I went and sought my relief, When I came back I didn't see any body in the bus they also went to toilet too. So to maintain my act of innocence, I said  "so if person no mess for this bus, na so driver for kill all of us, Thank God for that person oh!"

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